DAD, 55, and SON, 27, stand just outside a door.
DAD
I’m proud of you, Son. This is the first day of the rest of your life.SON
You say that every year and I don’t see this turning out any differently.Dad puts his arm around Son
DAD
Sure it will. I’ve been calling my Navy pals, they promised me you’ll get in this time.SON
Dad, I think it’s time you faced reality. I’m not cut out for the Navy. I’ve been rejected 9 times. First it was the physical exams...DAD
Then I got you on a program, whipped you into shape.SON
Then it was the psychological exams...DAD
And I’m still paying for the shrink. Those night terrors have almost gone away.SON
Dad, I’m 27 years old., that’s a little old to enlist. People usually sign up at 18. DAD
But they’ll make a man out of you, like it did for all of us Taskowski’s. SON
Dad, it’s time you knew something. My mother and I wanted to wait for the right time, but, well...DAD
What is it?SON
I’m adopted Dad. I’m not your biological son.Dad recoils in horror
SON
Mom and I love you very much, I need you to know that. But I’m not your biological child. Mom found me in a dumpster when you were away on duty.DAD
During Grenada?SON
During Grenada. She found me, knew you weren’t coming home for 6 months... she just pretended I was your real baby.DAD
But that doesn’t make sense. I saw pictures of her pregnant.SON
She paid women at Planned Parenthood to take those.DAD
That explains why her head was always cropped off. I don’t know what to do with this.SON
Dad, nothing’s changed. Your wife and I love you very, very much. I’m still your son! You still raised me! Some might say I love you more because Mom chose me to be your son. Out of all the dumpster babies in the world, I’m your dumpster baby. DAD
I don’t know, what’ll the guys at the VFW say when they find out I have a dumpster baby?SON
They’ll say I’m the luckiest dumpster baby ever, because you’re my Pop.DAD
Gosh, when you put it that way. Whatta ya say we get out of here and grab a beer? Maybe your brother Tommy’s off work and can join us.Son puts his arm around his Dad as they walk away
SON
Yeah, Dad, about Tommy... Fade Out.
MotD: The Final Countdown
Boy, was I disappointed when I put this in and it wasn't a Europe best of DVD. Then I realized the premise was "What if we took an Aircraft Carrier from 1980 and time travelled to December 6th, 1941 and try to avoid all the infamy that was about to take place?" I'm a sucker for time travel stories, so on that alone I recommend seeing this. However, Pearl, we have a problem. A HUGE chunk of this movie is taken up by what I'm now referring to as Naval Porn. You're familiar with this if you've seen Top Gun. Many, many shots of the Aircraft Carrier at work. So many, in fact, it felt like a recruitment video. Top Gun is the VHS glam porno that eschews story for sweaty beach volleyball, while The Final Countdown is the late 70's Dirk Diggler film that still puts up the pretense of being a pizza delivery guy, or a plumber with an ulterior motive.
The other problem I had with this, is the lack of anything happening. If you've seen Inglorious Basterds, and if you haven't shame on you, this is the opposite. They have a ton of firepower that can wipe those Zeroes out of the sky, but ultimately don't. It breaks the drama rule of firing a gun if you see it. And the one bit of time travel trickery they do try to pull on you, is telegraphed with all the subtlety of an Elephant's Prick. All that said, it's worth a watch and keeps your interest, but ultimately leaves you with blue balls.
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