Bully in a China Shop

Bullying is crazy.  What's a bully?  What crosses the line between being mean to someone and being a bully?  I think it's all in perspective.

I was a taller, bigger kid, so not many of my classmates picked on me.  But I absolutely have memories of people bullying me, usually older boys.  Horrible shit, done by awful asshats.  That said, they were just kids too.  Probably struggling with broken homes, low I.Q. and uncontrollable erections.  Doesn't excuse it, but hey, I'm trying to be compassionate.

Generally I think I was in a good place, but like all things, it's all about perspective.  There are some people in my childhood/teen years that were just unbearable to be around and at a certain point, even Job would tell them to go scratch.  Does that make one a bully?  I don't know.  I do know that there are some things I look back on and wish I could take back or just wish it was handled differently.  That's what amend making is for I guess?

Life would be fantastic if there was a karma meter, like in a video game, as you make choices your meter slides up or down.  Others can clue into it and see how you rate too.  So if you first meet someone, they would be either real nice to you or treat you like a dick, because you have super bad karma.

I do think that once you're an adult, there's no excuse to allow someone to bully you.  The real world has SO many consequences now, that if someone does act in a boorish manner, you're responsible for yourself.  Call HR, call the cops, punch them in the face.  Or, best idea yet, walk away.  Let that person live in their frightening world of insignificant power trips.  It's when you're young and your world barely extends past the schoolyard, that bullying can be so terrifying, because it strips all illusion of control that you barely have as a kid.

MotD: The Benchwarmers

Rob Schneider, David Spade team up with Napoleon Dynamite to play baseball against children in this childhood bully revenge fantasy.  Yes, his name is Jon Heder, but he's Napoleon here, and don't say he's not.  I think the most surprising thing about this film is my lack of desire to punch Rob Schneider in the face.  He's pretty tolerable, if not terribly funny.  But he's the straight man here, so maybe that's why he's not inducing douche chills.  Don't get me wrong, this is a completely forgettable movie, but it's not offensive, it's just not much to speak of.

What's your Herbie Hancock?

Yesterday, class, we talked about artistic styles.  Anyone can see right off that artists draw differently, that's not groundbreaking.  With some time and an eye, you can learn to spot the pieces of an artists style that makes it theirs.  This is what allows you to recognize a specific style and put a name to it. 

This is a Walter Simonson fist.

See that raised middle knuckle?  He does that on most all of his clenched fists, it's one of his "things".

This is a Byrne midsection.

Look at the thickness of the ribcage.  He gives his figures a barrel chest, reminiscent of old time body builders.

A good artist is aware of these things and controls them.  A great artist can emulate other styles at will, changing theirs to match existing one.  A bad artist simply steals specific things without adding anything new to it, swiping is the term.  The 90's comics boom was built on them.  Let's not bring up bad times.

So, how do you apply this to other areas of life.  What are your ticks?  What are your habits?  What things do you do, better than anyone else, or distinctively from everyone else, that you call your own?


MotD: Beer League

Artie Lange's semibiographical comedic take on softball leagues in Jersey has enough moments to make you chuckle, but feels stilted as an actual story.  It's not really plot driven, slovenly Artie and his drunk team need to get better at softball and life.  It's more about making fun of Italians, drunks, athletes, and people in general.  In that, it succeeds.  There's the kind of funny lines in this that made Artie a perfect fit for the Howard Stern show.  Much of the movie feels like just setups to work the one liners in.  Since they get it to work as well as they do is a testament to them.  None of it feels forced, it just doesn't feel like real conversation between actual people.  Oh, and the Karate Kid is in this and he might be the worst actor in the whole movie.  Good for a laugh.

We could be Heroes, just for one day

I'm watching Heroes, catching up on Netflix the mess that was last season, and I just got to where Matt Parkman started drawing the future.  This is the plot device they used to great effect in the first season, where a bonafide comic book artist was drawing visions, which led the characters down their respective paths.  They made the mistake of killing him, so they've had to shoehorn in plot contrivances to keep illustrations alive.

The only problem is they're all done by the mega talented Tim Sale.  If you don't know his name, it's a shame, because his work is truly amazing.  Primarily known for his Batman work, he pairs up with writer Jeph Loeb for most of his projects.  "Batman: The Long Halloween" is an absolute must read and see.  His style is chunky, yet fluid, and minimalist in the details.  He can convey mood with very few brush/penstrokes. 

So why is using Sale a problem?  Because EVERY person that has had this premonition power draws in the exact same style as Sale!  Obviously, because Sale does all the actual artwork, but for this comic fan, at least, it's disconcerting.  Comics all look different.  Superheroes don't really have a specific look, like cartoons or most animation, because the characters are interpreted differently by every artist.  The costumes stay the same, logos, etc, but the majesty of the art form is one person's Superman will look vastly different from another artists.

Superman by Tim Sale

Superman by Jim Lee

Superman by John Byrne

Seeing the same style come through at least 4 different Heroes characters becomes problematic because it ties them all together.  Is this the exact same power?  If so, how did the Aborigine and the NY artist have it at the same time?  Peter was given it from the NY artist, and Parkman got it from the Aborigine, so I can see that.  But what's the connection between the NY and Aborigine?  These are the questions that a nitpick comic fan will come up with when you don't use different art styles for the visions.  I LOVE TIM SALE!  Don't get me wrong, it just would have been cool to see another style crop up as the vision power transferred to others.

MotD: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III

New Line's attempt to revitalize an icon isn't an entirely horrible affair.  In retrospect, it didn't work, and the dialogue is clunky, the actors stiff and wooden, but the suspense is decent enough in places and Viggo Mortenson is awesome as should be expected.  The iconization of Leatherface feels a bit forced here.  He gets a chrome plated chainsaw, you learn more about his life away from the mass murdering, etc.  Kinda the opposite of what he was, which is just a force of nautre, unleashed to hack meat.  This movie definitely corporatized the franchise in a way that the recent remake dehumanized it.  Like both films went for opposite directions.

Cardinals, Turkeys and Bears, oh shit.

I was too drunk last night to get into the Bears.  Today I'm too depressed.  WTF.  Nothing I can say will add anything to the discourse, so fuck it.  They're awful.

I have to write a dialogue free scene for class this week.  I really admire the way a well told, economical visual narrative can be created.  There's an example in a book about two people, looking longingly at each other, one removes a ring, leaves it on a bedstand, something like that.  It conveys everything you need to know about those two people, in that place, at that time.  It's really nice.  I need to try and do that today.

Saturday I saw "Mrs. Gruber's Ding Dong School" over at the Gorilla Tango Theater, 1919 N. Milwaukee.  I recommend it to anyone that wants to laugh.  Solid skits, tied together by a preschool, Pee Wee Playhouse-esque, Mr. Rogers-ey theme.  Very funny stuff and very talented performers.  The wrap up of the show is worth the price of admission.  Well done.  I believe they only have 2 more weeks in the run, so get off your ass and see it.


MotD: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

This movie reminds me of Psycho 2 and I'm not entirely sure why.  Maybe it's just the 1980's in it, bad lighting, horrible synth horror soundtrack, or just that it's the expansion of a "world" we saw in a superior first film.  Leatherface is back, but it turns out he and his family never really went anywhere.  They've continued to terrorize Texas like Texas terrorizes the rest of America.  Stretch, a spunky DJ, teams with Lefty, a high as a kite Dennis Hopper, to try and stop the chainy carnage.  Schlock ensues, blah blah blah.  A good example of how not to do a horror movie, nothing really happens, so nothing is really actually scary.

Why your friends suck.

And mine don't.

11 years now, we've celebrated Thankstaking.  Not a "Friends Thanksgiving" or some kind of other warmed over festival.  11 years ago we got together and said, "Fuck it.  We like to eat well, we're not in the habit of sharing, we'll make a delicious meal all for ourselves." And so Thankstaking was born.

I was there and that's how it started.  Here we are, still celebrating delicious goodness, fisting birds and the Bears still make the meal unpalatable.  Not that we need an excuse to tie one on in the middle of the Fall, but we'll take what we can get.

So, I implore all of you out there, if you're getting together with your friends, trying some kind of yearly thing, whatever it is you're doing.... Brand it.  Put a name on it, label it something fun and meaningful, then stand behind it and don't shy away from it.  Wish people a Happy Thankstaking and when they look at you funny, make them feel like they're the ones that should know what you're talking about.  Own it. 

MotD: Destination: Mars!

There have been a bit of a slew of movies like this in the last decade or so.  Homage films paying tribute to the Ed Wood style 1950's "classic" but awful sci fi films.  I love those movies as much as the next guy, and totally for the camp.  Which makes movies like this and Skeleton of Cadavra and, shit there was another that's escaping me right now, so tough to review.  Are they bad because they're bad intentionally or are they bad because they're doing such a great job of emulating a horrible genre?  Honestly I don't know.  This one opens the film with a modern day documentary on the "unearthing" of the lost film, it adds a bit to the movie, but it in itself isn't really funny or game changing.  Like the film itself, is it trying to be funny mocking or funny because it's bad.  I really don't know.  There were some genuinely fun things in the movie, but few and far between.  They did a fantastic job of emulating the Ed Woodian type Sci-Fi films, I'm just not sure if that's a good thing or not?

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MotD: Silent Movie

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Hail, Hail Resurrection!

Why are there no horror movies about Easter?

I know, "The Passion of The Christ", but c'mon, that doesn't count.  I'm talking about a full on, Bunny suited killer movie.  I'm sure there's been some low low budget crap thing, but really, something that people have heard of?

A quick IMDB search shows nothing.  A ton of cartoons, nothing in this genre.  Let's make that happen.

Premise:
A young boy searches for his Easter Eggs.  He gets lost, trapped in a sewage ditch.  The search last for days until he's found, during this time he's traumatized by rats, excrement and sewage.  He grows to hate Easter and as an adult, refuses to let his kids participate.  One year he finds one of them decorating an egg and he snaps, hitting the kid.  The police are called, he's hauled away for abuse, his wife leaves him, he becomes a wreck.  The following year, mysterious eggs are found in the homes of all the people involved with his downfall.  The eggs are all poisoned, explosive, full of acid, etc.  A bunny suited killer lurks among us. 

That would be sweet.  Horrible, I'm sure, but awesome.  Can you imagine the one shot that has an Easter Basket, all wrapped up in celophane, someone opens it and a severed head is inside?  Yes!  That's your poster.

My gift to you, Hollywood.  My gift to you.
MotD: Mother's Day

Cross "I Spit on Your Grave" with "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and you have this gem from the good folks at Troma films.  "House of 1000 Corpses" owes something to this as well.  In case you haven't gleaned yet, Mother's Day isn't the feel good, life affirming film you want to share with your actual Mom.  Unless your last name is Gacy.  3 young women go off into the woods for an isolated camping weekend and horror ensues when a mother and her two hillbilly sons cross their path.  The requisite gas station warning is involved as well.  Great sadistic performance by the Mother who just wants her sons to be the best they can be!  Not an entirely awful Troma movie, which says a lot.