Friday, June 18, 2010

Jonah Hex Filmmakers Attacked

Jonah Hex director Jimmy Hayward was found tied up and horsewhipped earlier today, just hours after his movie opened across America.  Police were summoned after neighbors overheard the sound of horses and spurs jangling, amid gunshots.

Witnesses report a tall man, riding a horse, dragged the director around in circles before eventually using Hayward for target practice.  The mystery man was described as rakishly handsome by witnesses on the West side of the property.  Oddly, the witnesess on the East side described him as horribly scarred.

A police sketch was done, pictured here, and distributed throughout the Hollywood Hills.

Later in the aftenoon, Jonah Hex co-star Megan Fox was the victim of vehicular violence.  Fox was driving down Sunset Boulevard as an unseen assailant fired shots at her car, puncturing only the tires, resulting in her car careening onto the sidewalk.

No one was injured, however Fox was overheard asking onlookers "Why didn't my car just transform into something else and stop this?  What's happenening here?"

There were no witnesses to the shooter, but police found spent shell casings on a nearby rooftop.  Strangely, the casings seem to be for antique Smith & Wesson six shooters from the 1860's.

A third Jonah Hex related incident occurred a later at Grumman's Chinese Theater, which was showing the film.  Midway through the movie, an unknown prankster released dozens of Rattlesnakes into the theater.

The entire theater was evacuated, 3 people were taken to the hospital with snakebites, none of them life threatening.

All these Jonah Hex relate crimes seem to indicate a larger plan, possibly a publiciy stunt for the film.  Jonah Hex comic book author, Jimmy Palmiotti, commented on the possibility.

"All I'm saying is Hex has a history of living hard and dying harder.  He's also been known to time travel.  So, and I'm just speculating here, I wouldn't be surprised if he was a little pissed about how his movie turned out and wanted to do something about it.  Just saying is all I'm saying." Palmiotti said.

MotD: Magic

I thought this would be a creepier film, about a man and his demented puppet, terrorizing New York.  What we got is a nice performance from Anthony Hopkins, Burgess Meredith playing Mickey for a magician, and Ann Margret married to a complete mismatched husband.  Maybe I missed somthing, but I never really understood how Hopkins did what he did.  I thought there was some kind of mystical stuff going on, but reading the boards it appears he simply schizophrenic.  Glad I watched it, but overall not worth a rewatch.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Fresh Air, Fresh Start, Fresh Breath

Marvel Comics publisher and CCO, Joe Quesada, announced that Marvel will be upping the price on all titles to $9.99 starting with the September shipping books.

"We decided to just cut to the chase." Quesada said. "The good news for retailers is that we're maintaing the cost under $10, which is very important to us."

"We care about the retailers and consider them partners in our operation which is why we made this move." Quesada continued. "If we didn't support them, we'd have gone past the Ten Dollar mark, easily.

Industry pundits have claimed this is the death knell for direct market comic book shops.  The higher price point will drive readers away from the printed product and towards the digital offerings.
"Digital?  Oh, Digital will remain $1.99 an issue." Quesada said. "That's a price point that online readers have come to expect and we don't see an upheaval in that anytime soon."

"Print readers have been complacently putting up with escalating prices for years with little actual repurcussions to sales, so why not do it, right?" Quesada said.  "I overheard an 8 year old on the subway telling his buddy that he remembered when comics were $1.50.  An 8 year old!  I know, right!  You're thinking what I'm thinking!  What's an 8 year old doing on a train alone?  What can I say, parenting these days, sheesh.  What's that?  What were we talking about?"

In related news, local comic shops were sadly looking up the words "irrelevance" and "dinosaur" on Wikipedia.

MotD: American Werewolf in Paris

Not good.  Not funny, slow to get started, horrid acting and dumb, just dumb.